"Parenting--most people say it is the hardest job you'll ever undertake. WHEN DID IT BECOME A JOB! It is, and was always intended to be one of life's cherished gifts!" Larry Gneiting
Excerpt from Life after Survival: Consciously Evolving our Consciousness
“Come on hurry up quit dawdling.” The harried mother said to her two preschoolers.
“We have to make a quick stop and get home to start dinner.” She continued.
“Come on take my hand” Said a little more sternly, “Stop grabbing your sister.”
They walk into the grocery store and as they turn left by the checkers the kids spy a row of little toys and plastic gimmicks and run over to them.
“Hey, come back here, we have to get milk and eggs and get going.” She says a little exasperated, but it is too late.
“I want this one mommy,” her daughter shouts.
“I want this one.” Her son pipes in.
“NO,” she says with increasing exasperation, “put it down right this minute.”
“But mommy I really want it” they say in unison and start to hold it close to their little chests.
“No.” She shouts and grabs the toys and puts them back. “You know better than that. Now, let’s go!”
Her son starts to go back and pick up the toy while her daughter begins to cry; and she says with real anger now, “Stop that both of you. If you touch that Jonathan you know what will happen. Now come here this minute.”
“But I really want it mommy.” Jonathan pleads.
“No, and that’s final!” she says as she roughly grabs him by the arm and pushes the little girl along with her leg. “Stop your crying right now. Do you ever think of anyone else but you…stop it right now or I’ll put you in the car.” She says knowing her little girl is afraid to be left alone.
“No mommy, don’t put me in the car. I’ll be good.” She says with real terror starting to show through.
“You’re a mean mommy,” Jonathan says with some defiance.
“And you’re a very selfish little boy.” She says with a biting edge, “And I just won’t take you to the store anymore if you don’t learn how to act.”
“That’s not fair.” He pouts and begins to softly cry as he starts to go with her.
“Okay then, both of you straighten up right now and let’s get going.” She says with an air of exasperated relief.
Another, in a long series of moments, shared by parent and child
"...For whom should we feel sorry? The little children, in their innocence and enthusiasm, were seeking new adventures. Their only sin was captivation with the wonder of a shelf full of toys. The mom had one more stop in an endless series of things to do. She hoped and prayed she could get through this last one and get home with enough time to kick off her shoes and rest for just a few moments before the responsibilities and pressures of her home life overtook her once again. The answer, of course, is we can feel compassion for both parties and understand and empathize with both perspectives: UNTIL WE’RE TRIGGERED OURSELVES..."
Terror we have all experienced. (From both sides of the aisle, if we are now parents)...excerpted from Life after survival: Consciously Evolving our Consciousness"...Learning how to say no without creating chaos. If you want to learn more click here to BUY NOW .
The following is from www.PerspectivesOn.Com
Did any of us get a set of instructions with the arrival of our new born? What is your considered opinion about the state of parenting in our culture today? How will you know if you're doing a good job--eighteen to twenty five years into the experiment? It doesn't have to be that way!
WARNING DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT ANY UNPLEASANT CHARACTERIZATIONS ABOUT YOUR PARENTING SKILLS!
Parenting in today's culture and even yesterday's culture, in fact, is very hard, and we don't do it very well. Even the most adept of us do a hit and miss job of it, at best. Very harsh words and even harsher sentiments, but you will be hard pressed to disprove them. Nearly without exception, we've grown up with a certain amount of debilitating trauma from our childhood experiences of being parented. In fact, this trauma is so common that we take it for granted and bemoan the tired and trite victim stories we routinely inflict upon each other. We are the misunderstood, negatively labeled, emotionally scarred, walking wounded of our parents good intentions...and damned if that isn't mostly true.
To top it all off, no matter how hard we try, we then visit this same behavior or it's appalling opposite on our children the first chance we get. What that means is if our parents were too strict we carry on that tradition or become so permissive as to provide no structure whatsoever.
We push, we prod, we shame, ridicule, lecture and punish. We ignore, fawn, misunderstand, expect too much and too little. We guide, teach, love, and give. Our heart aches and we worry and fear for their safety. We hold too tight or too loose and both over and under supervise. We stumble and react and our children unmercifully push every one of our buttons at seemingly every turn. We do all this willingly or begrudgingly and in the end we finally hear ourselves say as our parents did, "I did the best I could...I know it wasn't perfect, but I did the best I could."
Was it good enough? Most of us wonder many of us know it was not. In many important ways we let them down and we wished like hell that we could have a "do over". Well, here's your chance and the good news is its never too late.
Life after Survival is an entirely new way of looking at parenting and life in general. You don't have to keep struggling with your parenting when you can develop the skills to effectively shift the connection you have to your children of any age. go to the Buy Now page and get your copy along with the Companion Guide and Workbook and begin anew with the most important gift in your life.
Two articles by Larry Gneiting
Parenting in the Twenty First Century By: Larry Gneiting
Parenting is one of the most unique activities in our lives; and yet, parenting in today's world can also be one of the hardest activities we are asked to do. We are charged with the care and support of another human life in a way that would seem unimaginable in any other situation we might face. When my daughter was born in an A.B.C. birthing room with the doors and windows closed, I was taken completely off guard by the fact a person could just arrive out of another's body: A person, not a baby, not my daughter, a person. I was in the presence of a new person who needed me and my care and PERHAPS my stewardship. What ever was I to do?
On the drive home later that day I was too scared to let my automatic driving skills take us to the house; and believe me when I say it wasn't pretty. This precious, incredible person was trusting me to keep her safe and as much as I wanted to, I was paralyzed with the magnitude of the responsibility. Suffice to say we made it home, but that was only the beginning of the journey to becoming a parent. We had a lot of ‘ideas' and certain things we were adamant about; and many things we were sure we disagreed with that others had done before us, or to us, when we were kids...none of that mattered. Parenting is no more an intellectual, conscious pursuit than driving is; if you're going to do it well you are going to have to rely on your reflexes.
No matter how well prepared we have tried to be, as parents we are in uncharted water. Sometimes others will notice that and offer advice. When that happens it will open one of the hardest doors for us to walk through...unsolicited advice from others. Inevitably we will hear such advice as criticism, in an area more sensitive than any in our lives; and yet, we should relish the unsolicited and uninvited opinions of others. Why?
To think we ‘know' what is best is a presumption of mighty proportions, and the fact that the opinion giver may not know either, is of little consequence. Take in the advice, roll it around, see if there is a kernel of truth in it that you might use to make your parenting skills that much more effective. Be watchful of becoming too dogmatic with your ‘new way' of parenting or 'their way' of parenting; neither is 'THE WAY'. If anything these are but old ideas in new packaging. Do not imagine that if you have read the lastest technique it is ‘THE WAY'; only know it is your way for now. Be prepared to use it until something better comes along. Embrace the obvious; "you're trying it, and someday, without doubt, you will try something else." If you have the courage you will surrender to the truth that you are in charge of providing for another without a clue how, and if you embrace your love, compassion and respect for the uniqueness of your charge, all will unfold as it is meant to be.
Let me give you a word of advice...or not...either way; listen and appreciate and take what fits and discard the rest with as much equanimity as you can muster. Parenting was always meant to be a job for the whole community; it has always been so. We seldom have the extended families of by-gone years today: So, do your job and let them (the unsolicited advice givers) do theirs. This and many other parenting issues are touched on in these books--get them and read them and see if it gives you pause for thought. So, go and enjoy and cherish the precious moments of your children's lives… BUY NOW
Larry and his family
